Salzburg

Last week (Dec 5th) I met Bob Wright for dinner. He is interested in doing a supported one week dirt bike ride down the length of Baja Mexico, April 23-30. It sounds like a really fun trip; I know that Andrea will be done with work and the girls done with nordic, so my leaving wouldn’t create that much work for Andrea (all the logistical necessities of having kids).

That night I ask Andrea if she would be OK with my leaving. She says that she (she does not mention the girls) was intending to go to Austria for the ski trip to Lech (see here for that story in 2022) around that same time. You see the difference: before deciding on a trip, I check with Andrea. Andrea simply plans a trip, no coordination.

But, of course, it’s worse.

Andrea didn’t mention the girls at all with respect to her trip to Austria. So I asked if she could make it back by the 23rd, then we could make both our trips work. She simply replied “I can work it out”.

Today (Dec 12th) I learn from the girls that Andrea was already talking to them about Austria around the end of April & start of May. Their plan was to be there for the Lech ski trip; for Inga’s birthday; for May Day. Etc.

The best guess at Andrea’s thinking when I brought up the potential Moto trip: While she had been assuming that I would want to come along on any April/May Austria trip, now she saw an opportunity to make the Austria trip work without me. Otherwise, when she mentioned Lech she also would have mentioned the girls coming to Austria as well – which might have meant I’d not go to Baja, but instead to Austria.

Our married life has been one constant challenge, and numerous failures. I learned in 2002 not to trust Andrea with my emotional well being. I learned in 2012 not to trust her at all. I learned in 2016 not to trust her with our money. But all along I assumed and hoped that for the sake of our daughters she would be honest about all things parenting. I’ve written numerous posts about how this isn’t true, this is simply another.

The looming question: would the girls be better off if we were to divorce? For a long time I didn’t want to break up our marriage as I didn’t want there to be a single day that I didn’t see the girls each morning and each night; selfish needs for sure, but I thought the environment we had created for the girls was healthy and positive. I’m no longer sure of that, and just a few weeks ago when I indirectly learned that Andrea was pursuing a divorce I contemplated life as a divorcee, not seeing the girls every morning and evening, and…it was ok. Maybe that would be best for us all.

On March 1st (although the tickets were actually purchased Feb 10), just a few days before Niki & Britta were to leave for Junior Nationals, Andrea announced at the dinner table that she had bought airline tickets to Salzburg for her, Niki & Britta, leaving on March 22nd and returning April 14. Two weeks prior Andrea had asked me about traveling with Niki & Britta to Salzburg to see Annika, and while I encouraged her to go I suggested we wait until after Junior Nationals to decide if, when, and for how long Niki & Britta should go (my main concern being missed/remote school, and them being bored in Austria since Annika and all their friends would be in school). Thus her airline purchase – without coordinating with either me or Niki & Britta – felt impulsive, but that’s not uncommon.

Now that we are in Salzburg, I have a better idea as to Andrea’s impulse to travel at this time. It is about Andrea.

Just prior to leaving for Salzburg Andrea warned me that her parents wanted to take Niki & Britta for a ski trip; she didn’t provide details (when and how long, in particular) but I supported the idea for the same reason that I’ve always supported summer’s in Europe: Niki & Britta would value quality time with their grandparents, who they truly enjoy spending time with. It’s an investment, where I pay the cost and they reap the dividends – fair enough.

While speaking of skiing, I asked Andrea if I should bring ski’s; I wasn’t sure if or how often we might ski. Andrea guessed that we might ski only one day, and that I could rent ski’s versus bring them over for that one day of skiing.

Well…

We’ve been in Salzburg for 8 days, and I’ve now learned that Andrea intends to leave – alone – in two days to ski with friends for a week in Lech (Saturday through Saturday). Two points come to mind:

1. Whereas I assumed Inge and Rups had initiated the goal of a ski trip with Niki & Britta, it’s very (very) likely that Andrea initiated the idea since she wanted Inge and Rups to entertain Niki & Britta while she was away on her ski trip, and a separate ski trip for the girls with their grandparents sounded more fun than hanging out in Salzburg. However, now that we are here I know that Rups and Inge would rather not ski for a week [neither had yet to ski at all this season prior to our arrival], and in fact they had not made any reservations for any trip which is entirely unlike them. Inge has a significant bunion on her foot, so getting a ski boot on is nearly impossible. Rup’s is generally interested to ski, but he has no interest in driving to any resort (especially with the weather being bad the entire week) and admits that he would likely only ski for ~2 hours a day – possibly with days off – simply due to stamina, which is understandable.

2. I’m not included in either plan.  All the plans and intentions hide in the shadows, Andrea not being forthcoming. Although deception plays a role as well; after all, Andrea indicated we would likely only ski a single day during the entire trip to Salzburg.

This isn’t the first time during this trip that I’ve implicitly not been invited. The first concerned an afternoon Sekt with the upstairs-Andrea, the second was a backcountry ski with Christine Krone (Wild Cherry’s). In both cases I wasn’t offended, as I knew Andrea (as well as Andrea and Christine) would enjoy their time more without me being there.

When I finally learned the full details of her ski trip (2 days before she is to depart), I asked Andrea if I could come along (let’s be sure this much is clear: I had to explicitly ask my wife if I could go with her on a planned one week ski trip with friends that I only learned of last minute, or otherwise be stranded alone in Salzburg). Andrea explained that there’s no room for me to stay, but that I could stay at a Youth Hostel in Lech. It’s not accurate to say she needed to ameliorate her guilt, since Andrea is impervious to guilt, but lets say to “save face” Andrea asserted that the Youth Hostel was likely nicer and cheaper than staying in the house with her and her friends.

Since Niki & Britta’s plans were still in limbo, I opted to stay. In fact, hours after my decision to forgo a solo ski trip in a youth hostel, the ski plans with Niki, Britta, Inge and Rups were scuttled entirely. At dinner Niki asked what they would do all week while Andrea is gone – the girls haven’t been successful in arranging time with friends, due to their friends being in school – and Andrea didn’t have an answer. Impulsively Andrea suggested we go into town (which ended up not being really eventful for the girls), as if Niki’s question was reduced to “what are we going to do right now?”.

Niki’s question made me I realize that we are all excluded from Andrea’s plans, and that she wasn’t any more forthcoming to the girls as she was to me. It should have been obvious to Andrea before leaving Tahoe that Niki & Britta would have a lot of free time (with all their friends in school and busy with their normal routines); the entire family (to include Mimi & Opa) could have gone on a 5-7 day ski trip and had a great time. But earlier in the year, when she learned her Stuttgart friend had a single bed available for a week long ski trip to Lech/Arlberg, our fates were sealed.

What’s inexplicable of me is that this sort of behavior from Andrea – selfish, rude, disrespectful, lacking grace, etc – is very typical of Andrea yet it still leaves me speechless. One would think I would acclimate.

—–

Update. It gets a little worse.

To recap the original Salzburg travel plans:

The girls left for Salzburg on March 22nd, and were to return on April 13.

I left for Salzburg on March 23rd, and was to return on April 16.

Once Andrea knew of my later return plans (and while we were still in Tahoe) she looked at extending their return, but she said it was too expensive.

On Sunday April 3rd, while Andrea was away in Lech skiing with friends, I let Andrea know that I had changed my return to April 10th:

Before leaving Salzburg, saying goodbye to the girls, I mentioned (with Andrea present) “I will see you in 4 days!”. On Sunday April 10th, after arriving home, Andrea texts me.

Let’s review: Andrea made her flight arrangements (on Feb 10, but didn’t tell us until March 1), then (at some point) changed her return flight but didn’t tell me. Then, only once I’ve left Austria, she tells me with this odd mention that “My parents just told me they they think you did not know”. Andrea KNEW she hadn’t told me of the change, she KNEW I was assuming they were still returning on April 13, and yet she says this? She knows I didn’t know of the change, she doesn’t need her parents to inform her of that.

So the consistent withholding of information is problematic. But even more, the girls will now be missing 2 more days of school – something I would have rather avoided.

3 month summary
6 month summary
COVID-19, part 1
COVID-19, part 2

Spring, the season of rebirth, was certainly relevant as March began for us. While Annika had long ago found her groove, Niki & Britta were finally finding theirs. Between their friendships with classmates growing stronger, and their confidence with the language improving, they seemed to finally be more consumed with being happy than being stressed. We were all looking forward to our Spring break trip to Greece (arrive in Santorini for a few days, then a ferry to Naxos for a few days, possibly visiting Athens before returning to Austria)….not to be.

As mentioned in the 2nd COVID-19 post, Annika was not happy at the start; the loss of social contact was a big sacrifice for her, more so than for Niki & Britta. But as restrictions (both by the government and family) started to ease up at the end of April, Annika was able to see more of Maria and a few other friends which helped a lot. She seemed mostly happy to not be at school – still disappointing that school didn’t turn out to be as positive of an experience as I was hoping for – and very happy that they cancelled all end of year finals, so she coasted into the last week of school with not a care in the world (although she did complain about significant amounts of homework, it didn’t seem too bad to me). Most impressively, at the end of May she also finished her 2nd semester of online pre-calc with a score of 90% – I was so proud, and silently happy that she really seemed to enjoy math. Once school was out and Annika began to formulate some dreams/plans for her summer, she was in a great mood and fun to be around.

Niki & Britta took things in stride in March and April. Each week they would be hyper focused on some non-stop play-distraction in between homework: one week it was ping-pong, next week the Glasenbach creek, the next week spring planting, the next week the pool, the next week the “new” trampoline…it took them a while to adjust to home-schooling. They would panic once any homework was assigned, and weeks went by without them recognizing that they had significant amounts of free time and there was no need to stress over homework assignments. They returned to school in a modified fashion on May 18; going to school (with masks) M-W-F one week, T-Th the next. They were happy to see friends again, although the masks and school changes (no break times, no PE) really changed things; the girls didn’t seem to completely fall back into the groove that was well formed at the start of March. They did have a friend over a few times in May, and they started going back to LeichtAthletic 2 to 3 times each week which was great to get them away from the house and spending time with other kids. They also began horse riding lessons just down the street, which is a nice respite.

At the end of March a Cisco colleague began a weekday aerobics online session payed for by Cisco specifically for the Swiss/German/Austrian Cisco employees. So every Mon/Wed afternoon at 5:10, and Tue/Thur/Fri morning at 7:20 we enjoyed an hour of different aerobics (strength, stretching, pilates with Caro). In hindsight this was huge for me and my continuing knee recovery. It was a great workout, a great way to consistently stretch which I never do. Aerobics, along with my 90 (GlasenbachKlamm) or 135 (Glasenbach/FagerAlm/ErentrudersAlm) minute walks about 5-6 times each week was mentally and physically essential. The girls never had interest, Andrea did sometimes, but even when alone listening to music or a podcast it was always an enjoyable time with Kino.

For the most part it was OK working at home. I worked at the kitchen table so was easily interrupted, but the work pace did slow down due to COVID-19 economic realities so there really wasn’t any stress. And seeing so much of the girls and my daily exercise allowed me to wake up each morning, happy for what I had.

Disappointments? There are a few, but easily forgotten. I was looking forward to more Salzburg cultural events in the Spring with the girls; more live music weekly at the RockHaus; visiting the Eagles Nest with the girls; and more sauna trips. I was intending to do more traveling with Cisco – definitely Hungary, possibly Lisbon, Brussel’s, or Krakow. And, of course, Greece…

As May ends while Austria is slowly opening up there are no plan for gyms to open (the gym near Cisco worked out super well from Nov to mid-March); no plans for the Cisco office to open; and the light at the end of my tunnel is starting to shine, as I envision a return to the US by the end of June (depending on international travel opening up). Rups and Inga plan to arrive June 15th, when the border officially opens, which will be great for the girls and a help to Andrea.

Still, I’m ready and excited to return to Tahoe. I miss friends, I miss road and mountain riding, I think about the house (landscaping, etc) and rentals (which have been empty since mid-March due to COVID-19, a big loss of $$ but that’s OK), and I can see things slowly going back to normal here with respect to time with the girls. I already see them less due to school and LeichtAthletics, and that will increase once Rups and Inga are here (which is a good thing). Girls have school until July 10; then Lech a week later for a week; then northern Germany a week later, again for a week; then they return to the US. The girls don’t realize how quickly the summer will pass, but they will have much fun, hardly noticing my absence.

I won’t be here to help with moving out of the house, which is unfortunate. Andrea, the girls, Rups and Inga did an amazing job of moving everything into the house in August of 2019 before I had arrived; we’ve never really lacked for anything while here. I have no idea where everything came from, no idea where it goes upon our departure…kinda odd. I’ll help where/if I can, once I know my departure plans.

3 months…6 months…9 months…it flies. This idea that Annika hatched at dinner in November 2018 worked out well. I’m confident the girls think so, and will have many fond memories (as well as an improved command of German). As they grow older, meet more friends as young adults and share childhood stories, I suspect/hope they realize that they have enjoyed some amazing opportunities as children, 2 years of living in Austria being the most obvious example…

All things considered, we are hanging in there.

Annika, by far, has the most difficult transition. 17 year olds are extremely social beings, and Annika had already established her much loved routines (driving to school with Efie, seeing Clara(s) at school, soccer practice with her teammates, weekends out with Maria and other friends, etc). So the paradox is that during this time is that we all get to see Annika much more (although not as much as one might assume, given we are all remaining at home 24×7), which is great; and she gets to see us so much more, which isn’t so great.

I wish I could persuade Annika to be less judgmental, more open. In 5 weeks I’ve likely taken a 90 minute hike/walk (from the house, through the woods, along the Glasenbach, extremely soothing) around thirty times, and Annika hasn’t gone once. She’s incapable of measuring the value of 90 minutes out of the house against 90 minutes with me. Andrea and I have done aerobics 5 days a week, compliments of Cisco via a virtual class, and Annika has done none. She dismisses it entirely, which I understand if life were normal; but it’s not, so she’s choosing to what? Spend another hour in her room, another hour on her phone, another hour contemplating the madness of this situation? It’s obviously healthy but I long ago lost the ability to persuade this lovely lady who used to adore me. I obviously worry about her mental health (she’s no more or less vulnerable than every other person in the world) but I’ve concluded that I have to tread VERY carefully as I’m more likely to set her off than to help her release and forget. It’s such a bummer to not have any ability to positively influence someone I love so much.

Niki and Britta are doing much better; they are 12, after all, so very resilient. They immerse themselves in one primary thing, tire of it after 3 or 5 or 7 days, then move on. First it was ping pong, then games (backgammon, cards, rumikub, etc), then playing at the Glasenbach creek, then baking, then swimming…but after 5 weeks they are slightly noticing the repetition, but still I think they absolutely prefer this to what they had. They miss their friends and school and German immersion…they certainly miss Mimi and Opa…but they REALLY like staying up late, sleeping in, not having to run here and there following the schedule Andrea jammed tight with activities, cramming 5 days of homework into ~2 days and then relaxing a ton.

While Annika definitely is not going back to school – she knows it’s over and I’m sure that’s difficult to process – the belief now, absolutely subject to change, is that the schools may start to open in ~3 weeks. No idea how that might work if it does happen; the regular schedule ends the school year on July 10, so there are still nearly 3 months of school left so I can certainly see them returning at some point.

As for me, I’m still so happy to be seeing so much of the girls. I’m certain I’ve spent more time with them these 5 weeks than I have the last 8 months combined, so it really is a gift. I’m able to get my work done as needed, do an hour of aerobics each work day, take my 90 minute hike 5-6 times per week, and drink way too much mocha coffee.

I won’t cover the specifics of the pandemic too much; many excellent books will likely be written to document that.

After a highly infectious coronavirus had spread from a bat (most likely) to a human in the Wuhan province of China at the start of December 2019, it only took weeks for the aggressive virus to widely spread. By the middle of January, when China was well aware of the issue, the virus had escaped China but the world had not been notified of the catastrophe unfolding in China.

Despite much Government attention being given to hypothetical pandemic preparations, the world was slow to respond once the Chinese health community starting providing necessary data (in particular the genome of the virus). By the end of January, after having had only a few weeks to study the virus, most expert epidemiologists and virologists were sounding the alarm. All governments were slow to respond. While China had begun a massive (~750 million people) forced quarantine, governments focused on identifying citizens who had traveled to China. This was foolish. The virus, as explained by the experts, was highly contagious and community spread (people having the virus who had never been to China) was already taking place. It would later be understood that the number of infected people was essentially doubling every week, an unsustainable rate for any population with a vulnerable demographic. And yet governments were only looking for people who had traveled to China…

The entire month of February was lost by governments not taking the experts seriously; by gross negligence on the part of the CDC specific to testing; and by economic forces (the stock market was at an all time high, and shielding the long term economy by strict social distancing and self-quarantining early on – which short term would have slowed the economy – was not a priority). With a dire availability of test kits, Governments were wholly in the dark as to the extent of the contagion, with the number of people dying or requiring ICU care the only metric governments had to go on.

Within the US, with the complete lack of direction being provided at the national level (again, books will be written to shed light on the incompetence shown), states, cities, and companies started acting on their own in the public interest.

On March 9th, as the Trump administration was saying that everything was OK and the contagion would “go away” despite the numbers slowly rising (slowly, again, due to lack of testing), Cisco Headquarters in San Jose (affecting maybe 15,000 people?) forced people to work from home. This is about the time when constructive actions started to happen, globally.

– On March 11 Cisco Europe also instituted a work from home policy (affecting maybe another 15,000 people).
– On March 11 Italy essentially shut down, with 12,462 total cases and 827 dead. 10 days later, despite the lockdown, Italy would have 53,578 total cases and 4,825 dead. For yet unknown reasons (could be the virus or the culture [older people living with younger people in the same family] or not having Communist tools to totally control their population) Italy would quickly surpass China with the highest number of deaths.
– On March 16 Austria essentially closes down.
– On March 20 California essentially closes down.
– etc

The goal was no longer containment; that battle had not been lost, but rather had never been fought. The goal now was mitigation, and specifically to “flatten the curve”, which meant to slow the progression of the COVID-19 disease (caused by this new coronavirus SARS-CoV-2) so that the health care industry would not be overwhelmed, resulting in inadequate care to those who most needed it and therefore more deaths than necessary.

Think about that for a second: the game was over. People were essentially going to be accounted for in 3 ways:

1. Not yet exposed (the assumption is that eventually every human on the planet would be exposed)
2. Exposed (might be very sick, or just sick, or asymptomatic with no symptoms at all)
3. Immune – meaning they had the disease, but are now free from contracting the disease again (at least for 12-24 months, more research required)

So the goal is to slow (but not stop) #1 to allow for sufficient care to be given to the most sick (#2) while ultimately using an antibody test to confirm who (#3) has immunity and can go back to restart the economy.

One example of the many things I’ve read.

http://lifeofannika.com/year/16/images/Salzburg/March/COVID-19/SARS-CoV-2.pdf

From that paper:

The next month is critical: March 16 to April 16. It’s not so dangerous in terms of getting infected personally, but
important in terms of demonstrating we can reduce R0 or increase doubling time.

If we are still doubling each week on April 16, we have only another month to get a second chance.

If that doesn’t work by May 16, there would be no third chance. We would have to immediately clamp down to
avoid hospital overflow. This would require Wuhan-like measures such as central quarantine for sick and enforced
home-isolation for everyone else.

Speaking of the economy, the hit has been brutal.

Amazingly, I’m lucky in this regard. In December 2019 the stock market was on fire (about 29% up for the year) which suggested (to me) that a correction was near. But more importantly the Trump impeachment, an election year, uncertainty in North Korea…I decided to get out of the market by doing what is otherwise completely irrational and NEVER recommended, especially for your long term 401K retirement funds. To be clear: I moved my entire 401K out of stocks and into a US Debt Bond. 3 months later after having sold the stock market is down 29% (for a reason that I never saw coming).

This can’t be emphasized enough. Given my age (57 next month) I am actively considering retirement in the next 5 years. Had I not moved my 401K out of stocks, those plans would be up in smoke. That goes for all other people in my age range, which means millions of people who were at the doorstep of retirement are now looking at an entirely new future, yet unknown. The social and political implications are huge; there will be a degree of bitterness leading to more populist rage than I can imagine.

Here at home, it’s been nearly 7 days since schools closed and we went to a stay-at-home policy. Rups and Inge were here for Andrea’s Birthday, but left early (March 15) before the border between Germany and Austria was to close (March 16). It’s actually been a treat; an intense amount of time together, with the girls getting bored and frustrated at times but they are old enough to resign themselves to this new reality, understanding that the entire world is doing the same. We hang out together, play games, talk, hikes, bike rides, dog walks…pretty cool. Girls seem relaxed, not anxious about all that’s happening. Andrea talks about COVID-19 most of the time, which I don’t think is healthy, especially for the girls. Maybe she’ll get bored with the news soon, too.

Our Spring trip plans to Greece April 4-13 isn’t looking good, which is a huge bummer. I wish I could say it will just be delayed, but I suspect that the pandemic has truncated this entire Austrian adventure. I can easily imagine:

– We shelter in place for months
– The girls don’t return to school, but instead finish the year online, negatively affecting their language immersion.
– The girls don’t see Mimi and Opa for months
– No family vacation to Greece or anywhere else
– Lech in July doesn’t happen
– Andrea’s August plans to northern Germany for Opa’s 80th birthday don’t happen

The (or my) goal for the girls during this year long adventure was language immersion and quality time with grandparents. This triage exercise is negating both of those goals, which really is a shame, a costly loss.

Salzburg has essentially been closed down since Monday. To see what an international tourist destination looks like, take a gander at http://lifeofannika.com/year/16/images/Salzburg/March/COVID-19/

Until then, we will ping-pong on…

Life in the time of COVID-19

Some notes and observations…

My notes at 3 months are here.

Some comments on each.

Annika ~ she seems to be doing well and having fun overall. While she still insists she doesn’t enjoy school, she doesn’t have anything specific to complain about (and in fact complains very little). She seems to like most of her classes & teachers, and while she’s only friendly with 1-2 (both named Clara) other classmates she doesn’t complain about the other students in general. She’s enjoying and succeeding with the online pre-calc class…disappointed that her soccer club was disbanded (but after ~2 months has begun again in a quasi-unofficial capacity, with no games I guess)…and really enjoying her weekends with Maria and friends, going to the clubs and coming home at 4am. Still, she doesn’t sleep in all day on weekends, and while I don’t see her much when I do she seems happy. Annika visited Sol in January during break, and Sol visited Annika on her birthday (which was the only time Annika was lazy and did nothing for an entire day). She went to Vienna to see Milky Chance with Clara from school, and really had a lot of fun. Upon her return she commented to me that she feels like she’s challenging herself socially, breaking out of her being reserved. I’m super happy to hear this – I’m introverted and it really serves no social purpose and is just a hindrance. She’s 17 and for all intents and purposed my parenting is mostly over; Annika is ready to roam free. I think this year will have been transformational for Annika, in all positive ways. The few months before leaving Tahoe she got really drunk twice (commented upon in other blog posts), which was likely a sign of immaturity, boredom, and wanting to fit in. I think Austria has mitigated a lot of those issues – she’s more mature and responsible, not bored, and more comfortable about fitting (or not fitting) in.

Niki & Britta ~ Both are still struggling, which was expected but I was hoping that it wouldn’t last so long. Their primary struggle is language (but that has all sorts of other implications and side effects), and while their speech/reading/writing skills have vastly improved they are still self-conscious enough that their true personalities don’t shine as they don’t talk as much due to language embarrassment. That is improving (their perceptions of themselves are improving), and literally this last week they seem to be acknowledging their increased confidence (talking more, raising their hands in class, etc). Friendships with friends outside of school are still lagging, partly due to the physical distance between us (Elsbethen) and them, partly due to the twins schedule (busy with LeichtAthletic, skiing, etc), and partly due to Andrea just not doing anything to create opportunities. In the last 3 months they have only had only 3 meetings with friends outside of school:

1. Their birthday, where 6 girls came over and they made gingerbread houses
2. One day after school at a friends house to rehearse a skit that they would do with 4 other girls at school
3. A Saturday Euro Park shopping trip with the 4 girls to buy material for the skit

While these opportunities were too few and far in between, it has helped the girls mature and feel more confident with themselves. They also had a weeklong school trip to Obertaurn which they really enjoyed (despite Niki getting sick at the end of the week).

Still, I wonder and worry about the latent stress. Both have a bit of acne, which I think they are too young for. Niki has developed this tic where she looks over her right shoulder, sometimes just a quick glance and other times a full turn of the head. And while Britta quietly perseveres, Niki needs to vent and she can go on and on if you let her. I think it’s important for her to release the pressure, but I also think it’s important for her to manage what’s worth getting bothered over, and what’s not. When I get frustrated with her I have to remind myself she’s only 12…we are expecting her to manage stressful situations that 12 year old’s should not be experiencing.

In February Niki, Britta and I went bowling together on a Sunday evening, and the girls had so much fun. I don’t think it had anything to do with me or bowling, but rather I think it was mostly that for 1-2 hours they could be themselves, and talk English in public and not worry about who is listening. A few weeks later we went to Kart World and same thing, they had a blast. I am confident things will continue to improve, and they will be more outgoing and talkative and positive about their German skills. It’s just painful to watch it take so long, meanwhile their sibling relationship has more dramatic ups and downs since they spend all their time together (so much more than in Tahoe).

For me, the highlight of these 3 months was traveling with the caveat that I didn’t come to Europe so that I could travel everywhere alone….

1. Venice with Mimi & Opa and the girls. This was a lot of fun with the girls.
2. Budapest – an introduction to my European History education
3. Prague – Not as interesting as Prague, but still a good time
4. Paris – a failed attempt to go (no advanced reservations), I made it was far as Munich (dropped Annika off at the airport for Barcelona)
5. Berlin – A fantastic trip, focused on the wall/cold war and WWII/3rd Reich. Intense.
6. Paris, finally. Such a beautiful city

I don’t have any other travel plans as my Eurail pass is almost expired.

While Andrea’s sole motivation seems to be simply hiking or skiing, I’m trying hard to look for other “cultural” (eg urban) opportunities just because we have the chance. I wanted to take the girls to a hockey game, but Andrea and I ended up going with Bill & Robyn who were visiting. Next weekend we’ll go to a soccer RedBull game once more, plus we’ll see Jesus Christ SuperStar. There is also a version of Romeo and Juliet that I will get tickets for, too. There will be more opportunities as Spring approaches…

In summary, things are OK but I admit to already looking forward to returning to Tahoe. My presence here really adds no value to anyone. My tentative plans are to return at the end of June, while the girls will return sometime in August. Due to the work issues last October I have no vacation time, so I wouldn’t be able to do any traveling with the girls over the summer (and anyway I just get in the way).

Let’s hope the next 3 months have a more positive tone from me!

Some notes and observations…

The girls have been in Austria since mid-July. Due to work issues my initial plan was to arrive the beginning of Sept. But…

Work issues specific to legal residency in Austria was a hassle. The process started with Cisco in June, and by the end of August I was told it would take another 6 months (with Cisco as my sponsor). I pushed back, suggested that Andrea (as an EU citizen) could be my sponsor and I would go to Austria myself to manage the process.

I came (Sept 17th) and then abruptly left (Oct 1st) due to a delay with my residence permit and (silly and absurd) Cisco requirements. I then returned on Oct 19th, and had my residency permit on Oct 28 to start working again on Nov 4th.

Andrea left on Oct 27th as planned to work at Squaw for 4 weeks; she returned Nov 25th.

The 4 weeks alone with the girls while Andrea was gone was so much fun! Luckily the first of the 4 weeks I was not working so I had time to settle into a routine and figure things out. This included morning and late afternoon walks with Kino, daily trips to the grocery store, driving the girls to school on an emergency basis (the order was bike, bus, me), making lunches which seemed to improve over time until they were a large glass container of numerous fruits, and of course coming up with dinner ideas beyond what the stereotypical Dad is capable of. Every Mon/Wed/Fri Niki and Britta had LeichtAthletic (Track and Field) from 4:30-6 in RIF so they would ride their bikes (25 minutes) there and I would meet them by bike at 6:00 to ride home together in the dark. Each night at 7:45 we would watch the News on Kika (a children’s TV channel) and then start for bed at 8. My days were very much routine driven, but it was good and always ended each night with a story in bed.

For homework support Niki and Britta would Facetime Andrea just about every day, which seemed to be effective both at getting the work done and keeping the stress level down. After Andrea had been gone for 2 weeks Mimi arrived to step in and help out with homework.

I have to admit there was a cost to Mimi coming. The girls love her so much and always look forward to spend time with her, so I did start to see less of them once she arrived but their happiness as having her around was worth it.

Each day I take about 30 minutes for my German training on the phone with Babbel. My German is entirely embarrassing to the girls, which is what feeds my motivation to improve. Slowly.

I hardly ever see Annika. She’s out the door by 7:30 to school, and between after school stops at Mimi’s, or soccer training, or ensconced in her room downstairs doing school work (which would include her online pre-calc class or studying for her Dev 7th SAT test), or out with a friend it’s usual for her to not be having dinner with us. I did seem to score some much needed points with my teenage “protege” by managing to get her out of her Math class (so that she could take online pre-calculus instead; pre-calc was offered at AIS but a conflict with Annika’s schedule didn’t allow her to take it) as well as get her out of PE (with her soccer trainingserving as a reliable substitute).

This month ends with a weekend trip to Venice, which is currently experiencing the worst flooding in 50+ years. Should be an adventure!

Date:  	Mon, September 9, 2019 10:07 pm
Subject:  	On our way to school

Hi papa this is Britta, me and Niki started school yesterday. It turns out we will
be having 8 teachers!!!!!!! Math, English, Biology, P.E, Music, History, Latin, And
German!!!! Biology is soooo hard because we did not study that subject in Tahoe. We
meet a while group of friends yesterday and we even made 2 friends that we now from
kindergarten and gymnastics!!! 
Will email later Ombudsmann Tischplatte

In 2012-2013 we lived in Austria for one full year. Annika was in 4th grade, Niki and Britta in pre-K, and my 2 goals (language immersion and maximum time with Mimi and Opa) were easily met. We didn’t travel outside of Austria a lot – the girls were quickly consumed by school, ski team, gymnastics, etc – but it was a fantastic experience for all.

I thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity (as a family), so I didn’t manage the details: ship the car, packed with our belongings? Sure! Take the dogs? Sure! Leave our house empty? Sure! Spend a lot of money? Sure!

Flash forward to Dec 2018, when Annika (10th grade at the time) says at the dinner table “I think we should go to Austria again for a year”, to which Andrea, Niki and Britta cheer on in the affirmative. I’m taken aback; I can’t believe Annika at 16 would want to leave her friends, also during an important (Junior) year in terms of college.

I’ve come to understand that Annika is not enjoying school much at all; she has friends but not a lot of close one’s, so her leaving is not actually giving up a lot.

Niki is similar; she’s had a terrible year (4th grade) with Mrs. Plapp, and unfortunately associates that negativity with the entire school and Tahoe in general.

Thus my concern is that they want more to leave Tahoe than to go to Salzburg. Plus, as was the case in 2012, their language skill with German is entirely acceptable (and will easily improve) with speaking, but no where near grade level for reading and writing. School will be a challenge.

Well, almost (for Annika). Since she must receive credit to complete her High School requirements, were she to go to a local school she would then also have to attend online school to satisfy her US requirements (English, History, Math, etc). So the decision, really the only option, is that Annika attend a private American International School (which is pricey).

Back in Dec 2018 we set a deadline of March 1st to verify all the planning (school in particular) before deciding if we will/can go or not; that date blows by. We then set a date of April 15; that date blows by. Andrea’s life motto of “why do today what you can do tomorrow?” plays a part. We still don’t (as of end of April 2019) have a definite “yes” for the twins, in terms of a school, but we’ve decided last night we will go.

What I’m confident of:

– Language immersion. This will be a good thing.

– Mimi and Opa. This too will be a good thing; as they continue to age quality time will be more rare, so this is worthy.

– Overall experience. The girls are comfortable enough with Salzburg that the cultural experience will continue to grow.

What I’m less confident of:

– School (Annika). It’s not obvious to me that Annika will flourish, personally. There is no guaranteed reason why she will have better personal experiences with girls at the International School in Salzburg more so than her longtime friends in Tahoe.

– School (Annika). I have no idea how attractive 11th grade at an International School is to potential colleges. Regardless of grades, Colleges may see it as not very rugged, with more play time than work time.

– School (twins). I’m really concerned about language. In 2012 Annika had difficulty the first half of her 4th grade school year (but to her credit she shined the second half) owing to German, but now Niki and Britta will be in 6th grade with more developed ego’s which need to succeed. For them to stumble the first half of 6th grade will be much more difficult to manage (much of which will have to be handled by Andrea, specific to the language).

– Britta. She’s sorta the innocent victim here. She’s happy with Tahoe, school, skiing, gymnastics, soccer, friends. She’s excited to go but also a little apprehensive, as she will be giving up all those things – more than Annika and Niki.

My last concern, less so, is Life. The girls (mostly Niki and Britta) complain sometimes about life (too busy, tired of snow, blah blah blah). But in Austria they will be giving up a lot of things they take for granted, from entertainment (Alexa, Netflix, etc) to sports (trampoline, gymnastics, soccer). They won’t be as busy, either, But maybe this will be a good lesson; go without the things they assume, and upon our return maybe they won’t assume as much.

The last question mark concerns (my) work and money. In 2012 my boss allowed the move and it was essentially not managed through HR (pay remained in $ to my US bank account). It was super easy but likely not super appropriate. This time around (new position, new boss) it won’t be so half-hazard so I still have to work out the details.

And since this isn’t a “once in a lifetime opportunity” any longer, I’m paying more attention to finances (paying $8K to send a car there and back, or spending $10K to leave our Tahoe house empty, for example). This will affect the experience to some degree, but hopefully not as much. It could be that the girls don’t (formally) participate in gymnastics or skiing, such that there won’t be as many weekend trip to the mountains or gym competitions. More time in Salzburg, on bikes. 🙂

To be continued…

Big, empty, quiet house. It’s clean and uncluttered. And big. And empty. And quiet. Really quiet.

You girls are gone; off to Europe to see Mimi and Opa.

I know what’s in store for me, and yet I’m always mildly unprepared. I know it’s going to be quiet, yet the silence still over powers.

A few notes.

1. The lead up. ~2 months ago, in a fit of early onset pity, I made a few comments to you girls intended to let you know what my reality is like when you’re all gone. You are all old enough now, and wonderfully empathetic humans, to feel bad for me. I realized the error of my ways and never indulged in the pity trip again. While I am miserable while your gone, I’m vested in the purpose and success of these trips; I don’t want any of you to be sad on my behalf while in Europe, even in a passing moment. I want you to have fun, planting memories and being consumed by the quality time with Mimi and Opa. But the self-pity is hard to suppress; it visits me every day the few weeks prior to your leaving.

2. The purpose. You may always wonder why I usually don’t go to Europe as well, at least for some portion of your trip. Plenty of people ask that, too. The answer is simple: my presence will dilute the experience you should be having – maximum time with your wonderful grandparents Mimi and Opa, without distractions borne by me; maximum language immersion, without English detours on my behalf; maximum cultural immersion (both in Germany and Austria), without me wanting to invest my vacation time in a trip to France, or Italy, or Spain. I would love to go with you to Europe, and we will in the future once Mimi and Opa are not able to do as much with you as they can today. But right now it’s about you, about Mimi and Opa, and about fostering the bonds between you and them. Priceless.

3. The departure. Last year, for the first time, I wept at the airport; I was really sad. This time I didn’t cry, sorta by design. I think due to #1 above, I distracted myself – needed to appear strong. We kept the goodbye short, and with security blocking all vision I turned to leave right away. It sucks that Dad’s need to appear strong- or that I thought I need to appear strong.

4. The time. It goes very slow; I organize my weekdays in this dull (for others, not me) repetition of events: wake up, feed the dogs, walk them on the Big Pine loop. Check work emails, then ride my bike up Blackwood Canyon. I really do enjoy the ride, and enjoy the exertion and the feeling of exhaustion, but in the end it’s well under 2 hours time; most of the day is still before me. Work for a few more hours, then take a mtn bike ride through Paige Meadows with Kino in the afternoon. After this is where it can get slow; with most of my work complete, the day is still long but I’m sufficiently tired from the biking. So what to do? Sometimes watch a movie, or read a book, or check the news. Almost every summer Mike comes to Tahoe for a week during this time, so I’ll go there at nights as a wonderful distraction. By Friday I’m usually eager to get away from the house and all it’s quiet reminders; I may go to Napa, or Sacramento to see Rich or Kel, or Concord to see Russ. Just gotta leave, to break things up. Even then, tennis with Rick on Friday and Sunday mornings means I leave after tennis on Friday, but return Sat night so that I can play tennis Sunday; so my respite is only about 36 hours. Solitary confinement in a large house is still solitary confinement.

5. Communication. This is the worst part; distance apart is bad enough, but me not having any control over when I can talk with you is tough. I would love to have a short chat every night before you go to bed, but Opa’s predilection towards frugality means no wireless internet at the apartment – even if I offer to pay for it myself. It’s not unusual for me to only speak with you 3 times during your 6 weeks away; heart breaking, and entirely out of my control without anyone in Europe there to protect my interests.

I tell myself it will go quick, which it never does – until it’s the day before your return, and I clean the house and get things ready. Only then am I in the position to conclude…yeah, it went by fast.

Until then, I’ll miss, and I’ll love, and I’ll await, you all.