Grace
It’s happened on more occasions than I can count, and while it aligns with my pondering on attachment theory and narcissistic personality disorder, it’s still unsettling.
On Winter Solstice 2020, when the “Christmas Star” of Jupiter and Saturn were visually closer to each other than they have been in 400 years (a minor event I wanted to share with Niki & Britta), I was…home alone. Niki & Britta had ski team that day (a Monday), and the plan was for them to go to Emma’s house after skiing. That’s all good. The only update I received from Andrea was at 3:08.
Texts from Ann (at 3:15 and 4:54) included pictures of the girls baking and decorating cookies – I knew they were enjoying themselves. At this point I was assuming (always bad on my part) the girls will be home around 6:30-7:00, and I began to think of some dinner ideas.
At 9PM the girls arrive home exhausted and tired and happy, which is good to see. Andrea doesn’t offer a word – not an explanation for the lack of a status update, that they have already eaten dinner…essentially an explanation for why an after ski get together turned into an all evening affair.
Now, I could have initiated texts to Andrea asking for a status, but I expected any updates to be vague (“We will be leaving soon”) and likely inaccurate. Plus I’d argue the onus should not fall on me to find out how their plans are playing out. Once they are home I know it’s useless to broach the subject with Andrea – asking, for example, why she didn’t keep me updated on what’s going on – because this lack of consideration just doesn’t register on Andrea’s radar. Consideration, for Andrea, is superfluous. I have enough experience in this regard, having been on the receiving end of many evenings like this, that I shrug my shoulders and commit to the goal to continue to strive for the high road.
The good news, I suppose, is that the girls seem to be insulated from the complete lack of grace on Andrea’s part; they were with a friend and having fun, as it should be. As they grow older they will likely notice these facets of their Mom’s personality, but they will be in a better position to process these observations.
Still, even then, I can’t help but think it will be just as unsettling for them.