March, 2011

Whilst roaming the library with the twins, I happened upon the book “The Wonder of Girls” (2002) by Michael Gurian. It’s of some interest, so after reading it I wanted to summarize some points – not for the girls sake, but for me to refer back to. 🙂

The gist: despite social goals of promoting equality, we still should recognize the biological, physiological, and biochemical differences in boys and girls and how these differences manifest themselves.

The Brain (neurological) development and maturation of girls (which outpaces the male).

Stage 1, 0-5.
– Female brains develop faster, right to left. Manifests itself as a larger vocabulary and more coherence.
– Secrets more serotonin, directly related to greater impulse control.
– Secretes more oxytocin, directly related to play with care objects or babies.
– Accelerated development of the occipital lobe, causing more sensory data input (better at distinguishing voices, more sensitive to noise. See’s, hears, and smells more than boys).

Stage 2, 5-10.
– limbic system development; more emotional control.
– hippocampus development, larger in boys than girls. Better memory.
– By 10, girls are hungry for input, information, new designs, new stimulants (more friends, more quality time with parents).

Stage 3, 10-15. Brain is growing in different areas at different speeds.
– Hormonal changes, puberty, and adolescence can cause her to be very vulnerable, emotionally and physically. The hormonal cycle will always include drops in self-esteem.
– Growth in the frontal lobe connections are growing as fast as infancy; connections depend on what (creativity, physical, analytical, etc) is being utilized, what’s not.
– Wants more independence and privacy; more aware of differences in people; curious; compare’s and contrast’s; thinks more abstractly. Therefore more motivated to disagree.
– More athletic; more personal (good and bad: takes things personally).
– More experimental; socially, emotionally, morally, physically.
– May be more judgmental, possibly in a negative way; but she will privately be able to reflect on this.
– There will be (monthly) self-esteem drops, but this is normal w/ brain and body development.
– I need to provide increased attachment, structure, discipline, limits. Provide passion guiding girls toward (appropriate) things and away from (inappropriate) things, with subtle managements skills. Let her be an adult and a kid, simultaneously.
– More going on in a girls brain than a boys, less deductive, thinks everything out, takes things personally. She can become “malleable” (analysis paralysis?), relying on others to make decisions for her. Be careful about this.
– Stress may retard brain development. Pay attention to our culture’s social overstimulation and hyper-stress environments. She needs a consistent emotional landscape to fall back on.

Stage 4, 15-20
– Life should get easier during this time, as she has more tools to leverage. Focuses on love, activities, education, her future.
– Very developed abstraction abilities; 4 abstract searches: identity, autonomy, morality, intimacy.
– Corpus collosum increases verbalization of emotions.
– Frontal lobes are more active, causing increased contemplation (consequences).

The Intimacy Imperative – the hidden yearning in every girl to live in a safe web of intimate relationships. 15% greater blood flow in women than men, allowing ultimately for greater facility for creating intricate, intimate webs of relationships.

A woman’s biology is the cornerstone of her mental health. Estrogen and Progesterone take primary control of the emotional, psychological, and mental transformation, while the brain gets accustomed to their effect and learns to manage the self.

What she needs from her Dad:

– gift of presence
– gift of independence
– gift of affection
– gift of discipline and self-restraint
– be involved and active in their life