December, 2022

Last week (Dec 5th) I met Bob Wright for dinner. He is interested in doing a supported one week dirt bike ride down the length of Baja Mexico, April 23-30. It sounds like a really fun trip; I know that Andrea will be done with work and the girls done with nordic, so my leaving wouldn’t create that much work for Andrea (all the logistical necessities of having kids).

That night I ask Andrea if she would be OK with my leaving. She says that she (she does not mention the girls) was intending to go to Austria for the ski trip to Lech (see here for that story in 2022) around that same time. You see the difference: before deciding on a trip, I check with Andrea. Andrea simply plans a trip, no coordination.

But, of course, it’s worse.

Andrea didn’t mention the girls at all with respect to her trip to Austria. So I asked if she could make it back by the 23rd, then we could make both our trips work. She simply replied “I can work it out”.

Today (Dec 12th) I learn from the girls that Andrea was already talking to them about Austria around the end of April & start of May. Their plan was to be there for the Lech ski trip; for Inga’s birthday; for May Day. Etc.

The best guess at Andrea’s thinking when I brought up the potential Moto trip: While she had been assuming that I would want to come along on any April/May Austria trip, now she saw an opportunity to make the Austria trip work without me. Otherwise, when she mentioned Lech she also would have mentioned the girls coming to Austria as well – which might have meant I’d not go to Baja, but instead to Austria.

Our married life has been one constant challenge, and numerous failures. I learned in 2002 not to trust Andrea with my emotional well being. I learned in 2012 not to trust her at all. I learned in 2016 not to trust her with our money. But all along I assumed and hoped that for the sake of our daughters she would be honest about all things parenting. I’ve written numerous posts about how this isn’t true, this is simply another.

The looming question: would the girls be better off if we were to divorce? For a long time I didn’t want to break up our marriage as I didn’t want there to be a single day that I didn’t see the girls each morning and each night; selfish needs for sure, but I thought the environment we had created for the girls was healthy and positive. I’m no longer sure of that, and just a few weeks ago when I indirectly learned that Andrea was pursuing a divorce I contemplated life as a divorcee, not seeing the girls every morning and evening, and…it was ok. Maybe that would be best for us all.