January, 2022

When the family (Ruddy’s and Johnson’s) met in December 2021 to decide what to do with Dad’s belongings (furniture, etc) after he had passed away, the Ruddy’s (thankfully) took almost everything to Colorado in a large 15′ UHaul. However, we did take a very few things, to include one small table and a chest with family memorabilia:

The table is a nice piece and it doesn’t take a lot of space. So imagine my surprise when I returned home today to find the table – after being in the house for about 6 weeks – was gone. Andrea had put it up in the attic.

Now, putting aside whether the table did or didn’t fit there (or more generally in the house), let’s take a look at the rest of the house at this same, exact moment. The question that comes to my mind: Andrea had the entire day off of work…and this table was the one thing she had to act upon?

For example, rather than take the humidifier away (that hasn’t been used in months) from the window sill, or the robotic vacuum (white circular thing on the floor) that hasn’t been used in over a year, or the balance half ball covered with some of Andrea’s (really) old magazines that hasn’t been moved in years, or the foot massage (red thing on the hearth) that hasn’t been used in months…she moves the table?

Rather than finish doing the laundry, or putting the mop away, she moves the table?

Let’s not mention the kitchen appliances, which have been here for 1 year waiting for Andrea to finalize the arrangements with the guy remodeling the kitchen.

Rather than put away the shoes, the backpack, the random box filled with stuff from a junk drawer which has been at this exact spot for over a month, she moves the table?

Rather than clean up her table in our bedroom (which nearly always looks like this), she moves the table?

Rather than clean the spare bedroom (not really Niki’s room), she moves the table?

Rather than remove her bikes from Annika’s room (or the small other items that we took from my Dad’s house), she moves the table?

This act would seem to be passive aggressive if the table were important to me, but…it’s not. It’s a nice looking table and I thought it fit there, but I’m not vested in the piece and have never made a comment about it in the 6 weeks it’s been here. I’m OK that it’s gone, just scratching my head at the motivation.

Now, of course, this blog post might seem passive aggressive, but it isn’t since no one will read this (think diary). It’s really just documenting a question to myself: why would Andrea move the table?

I’ve talked of this before, but this is the first time Andrea has done this to the girls, which is…uncomfortable.

Saturday, November 27. Andrea is working, Niki & Britta have Alice over for a play date, and they have Devo practice in the afternoon. On the way home from Devo I thought it would be nice for Andrea to not have to worry about dinner, so as a surprise I bought some ribs to cook.

[The winter season is literally only a few days old, and the usual pattern has already emerged: we are never quite certain when Andrea will be home, and she’s not good about providing clues to that end. Also, we never have dinner conversations in the morning; Andrea doesn’t like to plan a few hours out, and usually doesn’t like it when I try to plan a little. So each evening is entirely…unknown.]

Anyway, it’s 5:00pm, Niki & Britta are hungry, the ribs take about 50 mins so I start them (assuming Andrea will be home very soon) and give the girls an appetizer. By 6pm the ribs are ready and no sign of Andrea, so we eat. Ribs are delicious, but Niki & Britta are concerned that something has happened to Andrea. I try to ease their mind, explaining that she may have had a busy day and/or she was having a beer with her co-workers, and I suggest they text her which they do. Andrea mentioned on Friday that someone was hurt badly by a runaway snowboard, so I’m sure that was worrying Niki & Britta as well. The text strings are below – first mine, then the girls, but the general order is this:

4:49 Andrea texts me, saying she will be leaving in 30 mins. However, I don’t see this text until 6:40.
6:14 Girls text Andrea, asking if she’s OK and where she is
6:15 Andrea replies to the girls, saying she will be home in 30 mins. This is 86 minutes after telling me she will be home in 30 mins
6:40 I reply to Andrea’s text
6:40 Andrea replies to me, saying she will be home in 15
6:40 Andrea sends the girls a picture; she is at Tyler’s house
7:09 Girls ask if she is drunk, as the picture is fuzzy. Andrea doesn’t reply. It’s now 54 minutes since Andrea told the girls that she would be home in 30 mins
7:37 Andrea comes home, about 2 hours after she originally said she would be home, and 52 minutes after she told the girls she will be home

Here’s what is inconsiderate: At no time does Andrea say “I’ll be late, why don’t you (or have Papa) make some dinner”. She doesn’t have any idea – and never asks – if I am doing something for the girls for dinner. Rather she starts the text chain suggesting she’ll be home soon, which isn’t true. When she does arrive home and Niki & Britta explain how they were worried, she doesn’t take responsibility for causing their concern. She doesn’t apologize for being late, or for confusing our dinner plans. Nothing. She also doesn’t eat anything; did she actually have dinner somewhere else? Dunno.

Now, I’ve been on the receiving end of this behavior for years (literally, over 20 years). But as far as I recall, this is the first time she has exposed the girls to it. Just…unfortunate. And inconsiderate.