The…lack of consideration

I’ve talked of this before, but this is the first time Andrea has done this to the girls, which is…uncomfortable.

Saturday, November 27. Andrea is working, Niki & Britta have Alice over for a play date, and they have Devo practice in the afternoon. On the way home from Devo I thought it would be nice for Andrea to not have to worry about dinner, so as a surprise I bought some ribs to cook.

[The winter season is literally only a few days old, and the usual pattern has already emerged: we are never quite certain when Andrea will be home, and she’s not good about providing clues to that end. Also, we never have dinner conversations in the morning; Andrea doesn’t like to plan a few hours out, and usually doesn’t like it when I try to plan a little. So each evening is entirely…unknown.]

Anyway, it’s 5:00pm, Niki & Britta are hungry, the ribs take about 50 mins so I start them (assuming Andrea will be home very soon) and give the girls an appetizer. By 6pm the ribs are ready and no sign of Andrea, so we eat. Ribs are delicious, but Niki & Britta are concerned that something has happened to Andrea. I try to ease their mind, explaining that she may have had a busy day and/or she was having a beer with her co-workers, and I suggest they text her which they do. Andrea mentioned on Friday that someone was hurt badly by a runaway snowboard, so I’m sure that was worrying Niki & Britta as well. The text strings are below – first mine, then the girls, but the general order is this:

4:49 Andrea texts me, saying she will be leaving in 30 mins. However, I don’t see this text until 6:40.
6:14 Girls text Andrea, asking if she’s OK and where she is
6:15 Andrea replies to the girls, saying she will be home in 30 mins. This is 86 minutes after telling me she will be home in 30 mins
6:40 I reply to Andrea’s text
6:40 Andrea replies to me, saying she will be home in 15
6:40 Andrea sends the girls a picture; she is at Tyler’s house
7:09 Girls ask if she is drunk, as the picture is fuzzy. Andrea doesn’t reply. It’s now 54 minutes since Andrea told the girls that she would be home in 30 mins
7:37 Andrea comes home, about 2 hours after she originally said she would be home, and 52 minutes after she told the girls she will be home

Here’s what is inconsiderate: At no time does Andrea say “I’ll be late, why don’t you (or have Papa) make some dinner”. She doesn’t have any idea – and never asks – if I am doing something for the girls for dinner. Rather she starts the text chain suggesting she’ll be home soon, which isn’t true. When she does arrive home and Niki & Britta explain how they were worried, she doesn’t take responsibility for causing their concern. She doesn’t apologize for being late, or for confusing our dinner plans. Nothing. She also doesn’t eat anything; did she actually have dinner somewhere else? Dunno.

Now, I’ve been on the receiving end of this behavior for years (literally, over 20 years). But as far as I recall, this is the first time she has exposed the girls to it. Just…unfortunate. And inconsiderate.