Middle of June Niki and Britta have their last soccer match at a weekend tournament in South Lake Tahoe. We intend to camp overnight, and Annika doesn’t want to go so we agree that she can stay home with the dogs.
While down there on Saturday Andrea tells me that Annika has asked if she can go to Kate’s for the evening (to be clear: I don’t receive any of these texts, they are all between Andrea and Annika). Andrea tells me she thinks it’s OK but that she wants Annika home by 11; I agree that sounds fair.
At midnight Andrea receives a call from Rob Gaffney, explaining that Annika is at their house, passed out in the bathroom after having vomited. Andrea is upset and very angry, which sounds right to me. We drive home to pick up Annika, and Andrea drops me off at the house to get the Subaru while Andrea returns back to South Lake Tahoe with Niki and Britta who are still (mostly) sleeping.
[As an aside it’s on the trip home that Andrea and I talk about Annika and I mention that I’m confident that I’m being lied to about a number of things; after insisting 3 times during this discussion that Annika did not sleep at Dom’s after the Prom Andrea suddenly admits that Annika did in fact spend the night. Andrea doesn’t apologize for the deception, and doesn’t explain herself. In fact she detoured to a classic what-a-bout-ism saying that this is no different when I don’t tell her about investment decisions I act on. In the amoral world that Andrea lives in everything is on the same ethical plane, everything can be excused, and – most of all – Andrea is never at fault.]
I retrieve Annika from the Gaffney’s, return home and put her to bed. I explain to her that I’m going to look at her phone, to see how tonight played out because at this point I’m assuming Annika was supposed to be home at 11 and she deceived both Andrea and I.
I find this.
“I will not tell papa”. Andrea agreed that Annika could spend the night, and purposely didn’t tell me.
So not only did Andrea not confess on the drive home (when I commented that I was confident I was being lied to) that she had agreed (despite our earlier agreement that Annika would be home by 11) to letting Annika spend the night…but she actually confided in Annika that the two of them would deceive me.
This is just stunning. How many Mother’s teach their children, directly, not only how to lie but demonstrate that it’s OK to do this to a father/spouse? Andrea is a minority in this regard.
This is what the lack of moral integrity looks like, passing on to next of kin.
I subsequently have talks with Annika (and Andrea, although I’m really only talking to Annika to save her from her Mom’s amoral living habits) about the importance of honesty; it’s eroding affect on trust; and (by the way) drinking.
Sigh.
