February, 2011

An anecdote on a Dad’s inability to connect with his daughter…or, more simply, a male’s incompetence.

While hanging out with Annika in her bedroom, Annika showed me an Enemy list she’s compiled (with an invisible ink pen, which is pretty cool). We talked about each kid on her list, and I tried to understand how they have earned their ranking.

I tried to explain the difference between not liking someone, and someone being your enemy. In hindsight this is where the problem occurred; I should have just continued listening, limiting my questions, but I was determined to make this a teaching moment.

Annika, getting frustrated with me, now felt the need to argue her case, that each kid (she focused on Mia at this point) really deserved to be on the list. She ended up in tears, and despite my calm assurances she wanted to be in her room by herself.

Now, as if I hadn’t screwed that up enough, I go upstairs and tell Andrea what has just happened. While retelling the story Annika starts to come upstairs, hears me, and yells out that I’m not supposed to tell anyone.

She ceases to talk with me for a few hours. A few days later I find a note under her bed, where we were talking, which says out of frustration with her Papa “I hate everybote”.

I need to learn when to talk, when to listen, and when to cut my losses. Men really are from Mars.

While to some degree this is a path I took, it was more stumbling than following anyone’s advice.

http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/259164/visiting-my-hundredth-country-dennis-prager?page=1

An excerpt:

For many years, I have urged young people to take a year off after high school to work and to take time off while in college to travel abroad, ideally alone for at least some of the time. Nearly everyone grows up insular. The problem is that vast numbers of people never leave the cloistered world of their childhood. This is as true for those who grow up in Manhattan as it is for those who grow up in Fargo. And as for college, there are few places as insular and cloistered as the university.

Insularity is bad because at the very least it prevents questioning oneself and thinking through important ideas and convictions. And at worst, it facilitates the groupthink that enables most great evils. Although one can hold onto insular and bad ideas even after interacting with others, it is much harder to do so, especially when one interacts on the others’ terms, as must be done when traveling to other cultures (and especially when traveling alone).

It is therefore one of the most maturing things a person can do.

The moment you meet people of other faiths whom you consider to be at least as decent, at least as religious, and at least as intelligent as you think you are, you will never be the same.