March, 2022

On March 1st (although the tickets were actually purchased Feb 10), just a few days before Niki & Britta were to leave for Junior Nationals, Andrea announced at the dinner table that she had bought airline tickets to Salzburg for her, Niki & Britta, leaving on March 22nd and returning April 14. Two weeks prior Andrea had asked me about traveling with Niki & Britta to Salzburg to see Annika, and while I encouraged her to go I suggested we wait until after Junior Nationals to decide if, when, and for how long Niki & Britta should go (my main concern being missed/remote school, and them being bored in Austria since Annika and all their friends would be in school). Thus her airline purchase – without coordinating with either me or Niki & Britta – felt impulsive, but that’s not uncommon.

Now that we are in Salzburg, I have a better idea as to Andrea’s impulse to travel at this time. It is about Andrea.

Just prior to leaving for Salzburg Andrea warned me that her parents wanted to take Niki & Britta for a ski trip; she didn’t provide details (when and how long, in particular) but I supported the idea for the same reason that I’ve always supported summer’s in Europe: Niki & Britta would value quality time with their grandparents, who they truly enjoy spending time with. It’s an investment, where I pay the cost and they reap the dividends – fair enough.

While speaking of skiing, I asked Andrea if I should bring ski’s; I wasn’t sure if or how often we might ski. Andrea guessed that we might ski only one day, and that I could rent ski’s versus bring them over for that one day of skiing.

Well…

We’ve been in Salzburg for 8 days, and I’ve now learned that Andrea intends to leave – alone – in two days to ski with friends for a week in Lech (Saturday through Saturday). Two points come to mind:

1. Whereas I assumed Inge and Rups had initiated the goal of a ski trip with Niki & Britta, it’s very (very) likely that Andrea initiated the idea since she wanted Inge and Rups to entertain Niki & Britta while she was away on her ski trip, and a separate ski trip for the girls with their grandparents sounded more fun than hanging out in Salzburg. However, now that we are here I know that Rups and Inge would rather not ski for a week [neither had yet to ski at all this season prior to our arrival], and in fact they had not made any reservations for any trip which is entirely unlike them. Inge has a significant bunion on her foot, so getting a ski boot on is nearly impossible. Rup’s is generally interested to ski, but he has no interest in driving to any resort (especially with the weather being bad the entire week) and admits that he would likely only ski for ~2 hours a day – possibly with days off – simply due to stamina, which is understandable.

2. I’m not included in either plan.  All the plans and intentions hide in the shadows, Andrea not being forthcoming. Although deception plays a role as well; after all, Andrea indicated we would likely only ski a single day during the entire trip to Salzburg.

This isn’t the first time during this trip that I’ve implicitly not been invited. The first concerned an afternoon Sekt with the upstairs-Andrea, the second was a backcountry ski with Christine Krone (Wild Cherry’s). In both cases I wasn’t offended, as I knew Andrea (as well as Andrea and Christine) would enjoy their time more without me being there.

When I finally learned the full details of her ski trip (2 days before she is to depart), I asked Andrea if I could come along (let’s be sure this much is clear: I had to explicitly ask my wife if I could go with her on a planned one week ski trip with friends that I only learned of last minute, or otherwise be stranded alone in Salzburg). Andrea explained that there’s no room for me to stay, but that I could stay at a Youth Hostel in Lech. It’s not accurate to say she needed to ameliorate her guilt, since Andrea is impervious to guilt, but lets say to “save face” Andrea asserted that the Youth Hostel was likely nicer and cheaper than staying in the house with her and her friends.

Since Niki & Britta’s plans were still in limbo, I opted to stay. In fact, hours after my decision to forgo a solo ski trip in a youth hostel, the ski plans with Niki, Britta, Inge and Rups were scuttled entirely. At dinner Niki asked what they would do all week while Andrea is gone – the girls haven’t been successful in arranging time with friends, due to their friends being in school – and Andrea didn’t have an answer. Impulsively Andrea suggested we go into town (which ended up not being really eventful for the girls), as if Niki’s question was reduced to “what are we going to do right now?”.

Niki’s question made me I realize that we are all excluded from Andrea’s plans, and that she wasn’t any more forthcoming to the girls as she was to me. It should have been obvious to Andrea before leaving Tahoe that Niki & Britta would have a lot of free time (with all their friends in school and busy with their normal routines); the entire family (to include Mimi & Opa) could have gone on a 5-7 day ski trip and had a great time. But earlier in the year, when she learned her Stuttgart friend had a single bed available for a week long ski trip to Lech/Arlberg, our fates were sealed.

What’s inexplicable of me is that this sort of behavior from Andrea – selfish, rude, disrespectful, lacking grace, etc – is very typical of Andrea yet it still leaves me speechless. One would think I would acclimate.

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Update. It gets a little worse.

To recap the original Salzburg travel plans:

The girls left for Salzburg on March 22nd, and were to return on April 13.

I left for Salzburg on March 23rd, and was to return on April 16.

Once Andrea knew of my later return plans (and while we were still in Tahoe) she looked at extending their return, but she said it was too expensive.

On Sunday April 3rd, while Andrea was away in Lech skiing with friends, I let Andrea know that I had changed my return to April 10th:

Before leaving Salzburg, saying goodbye to the girls, I mentioned (with Andrea present) “I will see you in 4 days!”. On Sunday April 10th, after arriving home, Andrea texts me.

Let’s review: Andrea made her flight arrangements (on Feb 10, but didn’t tell us until March 1), then (at some point) changed her return flight but didn’t tell me. Then, only once I’ve left Austria, she tells me with this odd mention that “My parents just told me they they think you did not know”. Andrea KNEW she hadn’t told me of the change, she KNEW I was assuming they were still returning on April 13, and yet she says this? She knows I didn’t know of the change, she doesn’t need her parents to inform her of that.

So the consistent withholding of information is problematic. But even more, the girls will now be missing 2 more days of school – something I would have rather avoided.