Stoicism – The last time meditation

The Stoics embrace an idea, which seems negative at first glance, of attaining happiness by visualizing losing something you have. The concept is that we get so caught up in wanting what we don’t have (and, often times, once we get that we simply move on to wanting another thing we don’t have) that we forget to appreciate what we do have. A few ways to exercise this task is via negative visualization (imagine, only for a moment, losing something you have and appreciate) and the “Last Time” meditation.

While stoics would recommend these brief exercises a few times each day, I limit myself to about once a year. Or two.

The first time I contemplated the “last time”, it was unintentional. I had to visit Rideout Elementary, which over the years was a school, then a Rec center, then a school, then back to a Rec center. When Annika was just a few years old, I would take her to Rideout (the Rec center) in the winter to play in a toddlers area – a fantastic opportunity that had more than a toddler needed to entertain herself for a few hours. This was a winter event only; summers were spent outside. A few years later Annika was a young girl, too old to enjoy Rideout, but the twins were at the age to continue the tradition – so the experiences continued…until they didn’t.

Years after I had stopped visiting Rideout with any of the girls, I visited the school (the Rec center was temporarily gone) and I was suddenly flooded with memories of playing with the girls – really having so much fun. And I was struck by the idea that one day long ago, first with Annika and later with Niki & Britta, we came to Rideout and played and then left, not realizing we would never return (since the next winter the girls would be too old to fully enjoy what the Rec center had to offer).

Upon being thrown into a “Last Time” contemplation, I mourned, for a moment, the loss of those times together. Most of the time we were alone, every time I was entirely present for the girls, and the opportunity for us to compliment each of our imaginations was priceless. And the idea that I never realized the “Last Day” when it happened (and realistically I should have been able to see it coming) just befuddles me. It would have been a moment worth commemorating, if only to myself, but having missed it at the time I made the proper acknowledgement years later.

So I took it further. The summer equivalent to Rideout was Commons Beach; just like Rideout, I would often take the girls there in the non-winter months, and we would play on the playground. And just like Rideout, one summer I stopped going – almost literally never visiting the playground again. So I drove to Commons Beach, and walked around the playground, recalling the fun and the laughs and the games.

Now, as I said, “last time” seems negative at first glance; it certainly is melancholy, if only for a moment. But it motivates and reminds me to appreciate what I have, right now. Which are 12 year olds which are still so much fun to be with, and a 17 year old who is traveling some difficult terrain right now and I want so badly to figure out how to help her.

Being present, but reflecting back.