Tri

February 2019 was the snowiest month on record, ever, in the Tahoe Basin. Squaw received over 300 inches (25 feet!!!) of snow within those 28 days; it snowed 24 of the 28 days. I shoveled and blew every one of those 300+ inches (in addition to work, family logistics [driving], etc). It was already old by the middle of the month.

While that may be my excuse, regardless I didn’t shave for the month (I’ve never been prompt about shaving, but this was extreme). After a few weeks I told the girls it wasn’t a beard, but rather it was simply a side effect of not shaving.

By the end of the month it was officially a beard.

I hadn’t thought about it at all; not looking in the mirror made that an easy task. Annika, on the other hand, had to look at it a lot and did not like what she saw. She began an unsuccessful campaign to have Niki and Britta agree with her that I should shave.

Which got me to thinking.

Given that human beings, and young human beings in particular, are tempted by superficial clues (how someone looks, in particular) to judge people (for better or worse), I thought it would be interesting to challenge these impulses. If their Papa, who they know and love, suddenly looks different (and admittedly worse), but is still the underlying same person, maybe they might realize that looks are not a good first clue as to who a person is (and how they should be judged).

Sounds great, but the exercise was a failure for the most part. Annika continued to focus on me looking worse and not doing anything about it – which is a fair reaction. I was coming across as stubborn, which I don’t think I am and was not the point, anyway.

So then I thought of another exercise: Annika should learn how to influence people, a skill that will be useful in life. So I encouraged her to try and influence her sisters to “vote” that I shave; if she was successful I would shave. However, Annika’s attempt at influence essentially boiled down to trying to convince her sisters that I looked terrible (which they didn’t want to subscribe to as they thought they would be insulting me).

Sounds great, but that exercise was a failure for the most part, too.

So then I thought I’d continue the “challenge these impulses” regarding superficial judgement based on physical attributes, with the intent that this would end with my being clean shaven. Which led to this:

When the girls saw it they didn’t react at all; I think they were tired of this facial hair exercise.

I persevered being silly; why not have fun with it?

It turns out 16 is not a time of frivolity or goofiness; I was stressing Annika out, which was never my intent. So Niki, Britta and I went to work removing all facial hair, albeit incrementally in one short 5 minute session.

In summary, it is possible for me to overthink things, to see moral or ethical learning opportunities when in fact none exists. But also: I don’t recall 16 being such a fraught time…

 

 

In 2012-2013 we lived in Austria for one full year. Annika was in 4th grade, Niki and Britta in pre-K, and my 2 goals (language immersion and maximum time with Mimi and Opa) were easily met. We didn’t travel outside of Austria a lot – the girls were quickly consumed by school, ski team, gymnastics, etc – but it was a fantastic experience for all.

I thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity (as a family), so I didn’t manage the details: ship the car, packed with our belongings? Sure! Take the dogs? Sure! Leave our house empty? Sure! Spend a lot of money? Sure!

Flash forward to Dec 2018, when Annika (10th grade at the time) says at the dinner table “I think we should go to Austria again for a year”, to which Andrea, Niki and Britta cheer on in the affirmative. I’m taken aback; I can’t believe Annika at 16 would want to leave her friends, also during an important (Junior) year in terms of college.

I’ve come to understand that Annika is not enjoying school much at all; she has friends but not a lot of close one’s, so her leaving is not actually giving up a lot.

Niki is similar; she’s had a terrible year (4th grade) with Mrs. Plapp, and unfortunately associates that negativity with the entire school and Tahoe in general.

Thus my concern is that they want more to leave Tahoe than to go to Salzburg. Plus, as was the case in 2012, their language skill with German is entirely acceptable (and will easily improve) with speaking, but no where near grade level for reading and writing. School will be a challenge.

Well, almost (for Annika). Since she must receive credit to complete her High School requirements, were she to go to a local school she would then also have to attend online school to satisfy her US requirements (English, History, Math, etc). So the decision, really the only option, is that Annika attend a private American International School (which is pricey).

Back in Dec 2018 we set a deadline of March 1st to verify all the planning (school in particular) before deciding if we will/can go or not; that date blows by. We then set a date of April 15; that date blows by. Andrea’s life motto of “why do today what you can do tomorrow?” plays a part. We still don’t (as of end of April 2019) have a definite “yes” for the twins, in terms of a school, but we’ve decided last night we will go.

What I’m confident of:

– Language immersion. This will be a good thing.

– Mimi and Opa. This too will be a good thing; as they continue to age quality time will be more rare, so this is worthy.

– Overall experience. The girls are comfortable enough with Salzburg that the cultural experience will continue to grow.

What I’m less confident of:

– School (Annika). It’s not obvious to me that Annika will flourish, personally. There is no guaranteed reason why she will have better personal experiences with girls at the International School in Salzburg more so than her longtime friends in Tahoe.

– School (Annika). I have no idea how attractive 11th grade at an International School is to potential colleges. Regardless of grades, Colleges may see it as not very rugged, with more play time than work time.

– School (twins). I’m really concerned about language. In 2012 Annika had difficulty the first half of her 4th grade school year (but to her credit she shined the second half) owing to German, but now Niki and Britta will be in 6th grade with more developed ego’s which need to succeed. For them to stumble the first half of 6th grade will be much more difficult to manage (much of which will have to be handled by Andrea, specific to the language).

– Britta. She’s sorta the innocent victim here. She’s happy with Tahoe, school, skiing, gymnastics, soccer, friends. She’s excited to go but also a little apprehensive, as she will be giving up all those things – more than Annika and Niki.

My last concern, less so, is Life. The girls (mostly Niki and Britta) complain sometimes about life (too busy, tired of snow, blah blah blah). But in Austria they will be giving up a lot of things they take for granted, from entertainment (Alexa, Netflix, etc) to sports (trampoline, gymnastics, soccer). They won’t be as busy, either, But maybe this will be a good lesson; go without the things they assume, and upon our return maybe they won’t assume as much.

The last question mark concerns (my) work and money. In 2012 my boss allowed the move and it was essentially not managed through HR (pay remained in $ to my US bank account). It was super easy but likely not super appropriate. This time around (new position, new boss) it won’t be so half-hazard so I still have to work out the details.

And since this isn’t a “once in a lifetime opportunity” any longer, I’m paying more attention to finances (paying $8K to send a car there and back, or spending $10K to leave our Tahoe house empty, for example). This will affect the experience to some degree, but hopefully not as much. It could be that the girls don’t (formally) participate in gymnastics or skiing, such that there won’t be as many weekend trip to the mountains or gym competitions. More time in Salzburg, on bikes. 🙂

To be continued…

 

I think a lot about The Goodbye: when your child leaves, not only physically but psychologically and emotionally, home. They will always be in your life, but it’s different…it’s grown up, massively reduced, with an emphasis transitioning from need (which is reliably consistent when young) to want (which is reliably inconsistent with the distractions of daily life as an adult).

I had equated The Goodbye to High School graduation and (more specifically) leaving for college. I recall in May 2013 when Annika was “graduating” from 4th grade in Salzburg, lying in bed with tears in my eyes, fearing the real graduation that would come too soon in June 2021. I have many parenting faults but that doesn’t diminish parenting being the most important and rewarding thing I will ever take part in, and High School graduation was, in many ways, the end of that – I will always be a parent, but I will no longer be parenting.

A quote from Barack Obama, Sept 7 2018 during a speech that was not about his daughters:

I also wanted to spend quality time with my daughters, who were suddenly young women on their way out the door. And I should add, by the way, now that I have a daughter in college, I can tell all of the students here, your parents suffer. They cry privately. It is brutal. So please call. Send a text. We need to hear from you, just a little something.

But lately friends with children who have recently graduated from High School have enlightened me to an obvious yet unseen reality: the real goodbye happens around 16. These friends talk of barely seeing their children once they are 16 and driving and independent and busy with their teenage lives. Which for Annika is 5 months away. 5 months until The Goodbye that I was already weeping about in May 2013 but not expecting for another 32 months. Here is a text from Annika, this week:

Put then we could get my license like 30 days earlier.... I don't care I just want to drive, Alone

So I’m thinking a lot this week, contemplating need vs want. Annika wants me less and less while she needs me more and more (starting with a car), and I was tempted to console myself imagining that I still have Niki and Britta who want me more than they need me. But upon reflection this is a fallacy; when Niki or Britta or both of them ask me to play a game, play outside, read to me, etc – it really is more of a need than a want (or maybe it’s equal need and want). And if they had a friend over they would readily play a game, play outside, or read with that friend over me – after all, friends (want) are just more fun than adults (need). They need me when they want to play, just as they need me when they are doing homework.

While the tone of this note might seem depressing, it’s not really. I’m reconciling myself to the reality that I should be looking forward to the girls becoming adults and leaving home, as that’s when we are much closer to them talking or being with me because they genuinely want to, versus need to. It’s a good thing. Still, don’t forget: So please call. Send a text. We need to hear from you, just a little something.

In the very act of asking that question, you are seeking reasons for your convictions, and so you are committed to reason as the means to discover and justify what is important to you. And there are so many reasons to live! As a sentient being, you have the potential to flourish. You can refine your faculty of reason itself by learning and debating. You can seek explanations of the natural world through science, and insight into the human condition through the arts and humanities. You can make the most of your capacity for pleasure and satisfaction, which allowed your ancestors to thrive and thereby allowed you to exist. You can appreciate the beauty and richness of the natural and cultural world. As the heir to billions of years of life perpetuating itself, you can perpetuate life in turn. You have been endowed with a sense of sympathy—the ability to like, love, respect, help, and show kindness—and you can enjoy the gift of mutual benevolence with friends, family, and colleagues. And because reason tells you that none of this is particular to you, you have the responsibility to provide to others what you expect for yourself. You can foster the welfare of other sentient beings by enhancing life, health, knowledge, freedom, abundance, safety, beauty, and peace. History shows that when we sympathize with others and apply our ingenuity to improving the human condition, we can make progress in doing so, and you can help to continue that progress.
― Steven Pinker, Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress

We are an innocent bystander when it comes to the genesis of many a kid adventure. Take fostering dogs, for example.

One day I offer to take Kai G home after school; harmless. Kai invites us in to look at the 2 puppies that he is fostering, and it turns potentially harmful, in the blink of an eye.

The next thing I know I’m attending trainings (introductory; cat; dog; then foster – for a total of about 6 hours) at the Truckee Humane Society, and on Nov 10th we bring home 2 adorable puppies (part shepherd/collie) which are promptly named Louis and Lila.

And immediately – at least with Mama, Niki, and Britta – it becomes a quest to convince Papa we should keep them.

Now, the word “foster” is not a synonym for “adopt”. Just ain’t.

As time goes on and I unwittingly morph into the bad guy, they keep trying to read clues as to my breaking. Not happening.

Finally, the time comes to return the puppies. Only I neglected (not strategically) to tell everyone the return was pushed back from Monday to Tuesday. So Sunday night emotions are running high, no one is talking to me, and I’m exasperated and reclusive.

Monday morning I realize their emotions had pinnacled due to their thinking D-day was here. It wasn’t, which is where I get to the subject at hand (“The resiliency of kids”).

It was as if Niki and Britta were emotionally spent, had no interest in wallowing in another day of misery, and so they moved on. They were still playing with and taking care of the pups (they were fantastic the entire 18 days), but it was about celebration and not misery. Tuesday the pups are returned (immediately Lila is adopted by Tyler from Squaw; Louis was missed by the twins friend Ella and instead went to the pizza place owners in Homewood) and Britta mentions nonchalantly that it’s good Tyler got Lila since he doesn’t have kids and needs someone/thing around the house.

The resiliency of kids.

In a morbid way, this cheers me up – not because I’m no longer evil; not because this may mean that we will be able to adopt again (it can only get easier, right?); – but because I realize that should my demise be earlier than I hope, it will be OK. They will survive. And thrive.

I do realize I am equating my role in their lives to the role of these short term puppies. Anyway.

The resiliency of kids is really a special thing; I’d argue it’s an important product of evolution, except that it doesn’t seem to stick (adults don’t always show similar levels of resiliency).

I was genuinely concerned this would be a black mark on Papa’s long term report card. Instead I think I received a solid C; maybe even a B-.

All good.

For the summer of 2017 the girls were gone, as usual, to Europe for 6 weeks. However, before they left the girls enjoyed brief trips on Lake Tahoe in our neighbor Sonya’s boat (to include watching the fireworks on July 4). After each time on the boat the girls (the twins especially) were begging that we get a boat.

Papa’s live to make their girls happy, spoil them with anything they ask.

So while the girls were gone I went to work, researching boats (ski/wake boats in particular). This was the heart, the hare, in action.

I found about 20, and decided to wait until after Labor Day weekend, when I assumed the prices would drop, possibly dramatically. This was the head, the tortoise, slowly catching up.

Labor Day comes and goes, and a few of the boats are no longer for sale (sold?), very few (as in 1) has dropped its price, and the rest are unchanged.

Then the head notices that Fall seems to have started earlier this year, with cooler temps…and Annika, now in High School, starts school at 7:30 instead of 8:30…and while the Tahoe boating season is realistically only 5 months long, it’s really shorter than that (minus 6 weeks for Europe, minus those school days when Annika has to be there so early)…and, really, Mama would be the one to most be in a position to take advantage of the boat…

[The tortoise takes the lead; the hare is off dallying somewhere]

Sigh. Consumption should be easier than this.

 

Big, empty, quiet house. It’s clean and uncluttered. And big. And empty. And quiet. Really quiet.

You girls are gone; off to Europe to see Mimi and Opa.

I know what’s in store for me, and yet I’m always mildly unprepared. I know it’s going to be quiet, yet the silence still over powers.

A few notes.

1. The lead up. ~2 months ago, in a fit of early onset pity, I made a few comments to you girls intended to let you know what my reality is like when you’re all gone. You are all old enough now, and wonderfully empathetic humans, to feel bad for me. I realized the error of my ways and never indulged in the pity trip again. While I am miserable while your gone, I’m vested in the purpose and success of these trips; I don’t want any of you to be sad on my behalf while in Europe, even in a passing moment. I want you to have fun, planting memories and being consumed by the quality time with Mimi and Opa. But the self-pity is hard to suppress; it visits me every day the few weeks prior to your leaving.

2. The purpose. You may always wonder why I usually don’t go to Europe as well, at least for some portion of your trip. Plenty of people ask that, too. The answer is simple: my presence will dilute the experience you should be having – maximum time with your wonderful grandparents Mimi and Opa, without distractions borne by me; maximum language immersion, without English detours on my behalf; maximum cultural immersion (both in Germany and Austria), without me wanting to invest my vacation time in a trip to France, or Italy, or Spain. I would love to go with you to Europe, and we will in the future once Mimi and Opa are not able to do as much with you as they can today. But right now it’s about you, about Mimi and Opa, and about fostering the bonds between you and them. Priceless.

3. The departure. Last year, for the first time, I wept at the airport; I was really sad. This time I didn’t cry, sorta by design. I think due to #1 above, I distracted myself – needed to appear strong. We kept the goodbye short, and with security blocking all vision I turned to leave right away. It sucks that Dad’s need to appear strong- or that I thought I need to appear strong.

4. The time. It goes very slow; I organize my weekdays in this dull (for others, not me) repetition of events: wake up, feed the dogs, walk them on the Big Pine loop. Check work emails, then ride my bike up Blackwood Canyon. I really do enjoy the ride, and enjoy the exertion and the feeling of exhaustion, but in the end it’s well under 2 hours time; most of the day is still before me. Work for a few more hours, then take a mtn bike ride through Paige Meadows with Kino in the afternoon. After this is where it can get slow; with most of my work complete, the day is still long but I’m sufficiently tired from the biking. So what to do? Sometimes watch a movie, or read a book, or check the news. Almost every summer Mike comes to Tahoe for a week during this time, so I’ll go there at nights as a wonderful distraction. By Friday I’m usually eager to get away from the house and all it’s quiet reminders; I may go to Napa, or Sacramento to see Rich or Kel, or Concord to see Russ. Just gotta leave, to break things up. Even then, tennis with Rick on Friday and Sunday mornings means I leave after tennis on Friday, but return Sat night so that I can play tennis Sunday; so my respite is only about 36 hours. Solitary confinement in a large house is still solitary confinement.

5. Communication. This is the worst part; distance apart is bad enough, but me not having any control over when I can talk with you is tough. I would love to have a short chat every night before you go to bed, but Opa’s predilection towards frugality means no wireless internet at the apartment – even if I offer to pay for it myself. It’s not unusual for me to only speak with you 3 times during your 6 weeks away; heart breaking, and entirely out of my control without anyone in Europe there to protect my interests.

I tell myself it will go quick, which it never does – until it’s the day before your return, and I clean the house and get things ready. Only then am I in the position to conclude…yeah, it went by fast.

Until then, I’ll miss, and I’ll love, and I’ll await, you all.

People will be talking about this for a long time; this is my summary for you girls to reference back to.

– Most snow in January; 237″ (nearly 20 feet!!)
– Broke the January record from 1973 (which was only 159″)
– Broke all monthly records (highest had been March ’92 with 201″)
– 21 days of school; 10 were cancelled due to snow days

As for February, we received 143 inches, which is the snowiest February since 1998, & the 3rd snowiest since 1970. That brings the season total to 470 inches which is 115% of the seasonal average.

I was busy shoveling (the roof and the decks) snow; blowing snow; driving our treacherous hill (I wrecked the Sienna when I hit Willy Dodge in the street plow from behind); and driving to Truckee (gymnastics!) as if it were just another month of the year.

The entire time you girls played…and played…and played. You were so happy, loved the snow days, and led the sort of unencumbered life like kids are supposed to.

While “interviewing” my Papa many years ago (1996) to document the family history, one of the themes was politics (JFK’s assassination; Vietnam; Watergate; etc). My Papa had very little to say; it’s as if, as long as he had something to build, he didn’t have much of a care for anything else.

I’m different. 🙂

So, assuming that you girls will wonder about my thoughts immediately after this 2016 election, I will paste in 2 emails that might help towards an answer.

——————————————————————–

Subject: Re: Happy Thanksgiving!
From: “Mark Johnson”
Date: Sun, November 27, 2016 9:35 am
To: “Sherisse Hawkins”

> Still having a hard time with politics in fact I’m having nightmares about
> it :-(.

Yikes; that’s not good.

First, in the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that I did not
vote for Hillary.

Pause.

Now, our relationship has been tested here; if you, for even a moment,
thought “HE VOTED FOR TRUMP!?”, then you need to be punished; no chocolate
for the next week.

In the CA primary I voted for Bernie; in the general I voted for Gary
Johnson. My primary opinion of Hillary: she would get nothing done
domestically (due to Republican control), her administration would be
under constant attack from the Right, and in terms of foreign affairs I
find her much-much too hawkish. There are many scenarios where Bernie (who
stood a chance of winning the general) or Gary (who did not) would also
fail their agenda domestically, but I don’t think they would go off and
play Army on other peoples front lawns. Hillary likely would.

And, to be clear about principle over pragmatism (or, put another way,
conscience over winning): I made my choice (not to vote for Hillary) long
ago, well before Trump was the nominee. So I didn’t rationalize my vote
(“Hillary will win CA anyway, so I can afford this protest vote”). Had
Kasich won the Republican nomination, I would have looked more into him
for my vote.

Now, Donald J Trump.

Here is what I find depressing:

1. The extreme amount of tribalism; this is a deterioration from the toxic
partisan atmosphere that has formed of late. Tribalism is at complete odds
with democracy; the two cannot co-exist.

2. The protesters, unwilling to accept the outcome. These are likely the
same folks who elicited shock when DJT suggested at the third debate that
he may not accept the outcome if Hillary were to win.

3. Women who didn’t like Hillary, but voted for her for gender reasons
alone. This too is tribal. If there were less of these people around
during the primary, maybe Bernie would have done better. He was the better
candidate (IMHO).

4. Republicans (not all of them) who disregarded most of their party’s
platform and rhetoric, most of their morals and values, and most of their
sense of decency by voting for DJT. This is the same party that chose
Romney in 2012?? Rank hypocrisy.

5. Everyone who voted for DJT. They neglected the importance of character
in a President. They placed domestic concerns over foreign concerns, even
though the domestic agenda is much (much) more controlled by Congress than
the Executive branch. In response to their valid concerns, they voted for
a complete neophyte in the most important position of the country, but
then also voted for all their entrenched Congressional incumbents. The
schizophrenic nature of these two opposing actions is stunning.

6. Conversely, the media. Not because they *didn’t* cover DJT sufficiently
enough; but because they set up every non-DJT voter with the impression
that he could permanently and disastrously ruin America. This was too
extreme.

The theme throughout all of the above is my disappointment in American’s.
This is the reason I resisted returning to America after Europe in ’92;
after three years as an expatriate, I had a huge amount of respect for the
American story (despite all its blemishes), but much less respect for the
participants.

Now people are freaking out: their tribe lost; DJT is going to ruin
America; the first woman candidate was scorned; a (fill in the blank:
misogynist, racist, incompetent, all of the above) man is now President of
the USA.

OK, I may have provided nitro for your nightmares, so let me attempt to
extinguish the flames. Much of what follows is complete and utter
speculation.

1. The liberal agenda has been blocked the last 6 years by Republicans in
Congress. In fact, going back to 1994 (Newt Gingrich’s revolution), the
primary message from Republican politicians has been obstruction. Now the
Republican politicians are entirely in charge; there is no shirking the
responsibility or subsequent performance of their leadership. America has
ridded itself of the petulant punk sitting in the back of the class
hucking spitballs, by putting him behind the teachers desk. As long as you
don’t believe the country is vulnerable to anarchy, this can be a good
thing.

2. A liberal or progressive agenda might be better served by 2-4 years of
Republican leadership, versus 8 years of Democratic leadership. It’s the
(tired) pendulum metaphor: Obama likely could not have been elected after
Bill Clinton (or any Democrat); America needed an incompetent like Bush to
get us to Obama.

3. Cracks in the wall. Republican politicians have always been
significantly better than Democratic politicians at forming a united
front. That has started to crack over the years (see Freedom Caucus;
Tuesday Group; etc). There is a good chance this administration will bring
down the Republican united front.

4. Broken promises. Many Republican politicians or power brokers who
supported (or even didn’t) DJT thought many of his campaign promises (the
wall; deportation; a religious litmus test; investigate Hillary) were
fiction. Many citizens who voted for DJT did not. If these campaign
promises do not come to fruition (which is very likely), the cynicism of
politics will do great harm to the Republican brand (albeit this could
indirectly effect the US as well; the country is only as strong as the
faith of its constituents).

5. Business as usual. In the end this is less about DJT, and more about
Republicans. Yes, Democrats lost. Yes, DJT is the President. But if you
look at who is filling his administration, this much is clear: it’s the
usual suspects. Democrats may not like them in terms of their ideology,
but they are sane, experienced, pragmatic people. That’s not to say that
harm can’t be done; the effects of Bush’s tenure (wars and recession and
unemployment) are vast and debilitating; but they didn’t paralyze the
country. There is a difference, albeit hard to see up close in real time.

I’m still processing all this as well. But as you know, one has to look
back, but only briefly, to inform the actions to take looking forward. If
(for example) enough people in the Rust Belt are so disempowered that they
would vote for DJT, maybe the Democratic establishment will start to give
their valid concerns some attention. I suspect there are many citizens who
think that Democrats are more vested in identity politics (transgender
rights, for example) than the plight of the disenfranchised and
economically insecure.

So maybe, in all, this will be a good thing.

Maybe. 🙂

mark

———————————————————————–

Subject: Re: Happy Thanksgiving!
From: “Mark Johnson”
Date: Mon, November 28, 2016 3:36 pm
To: “Sherisse Hawkins”

Everything here is, of course, my opinions only; worth what you paid.

> Should I force myself to learn more about history or politics?

No; not only is this unreasonable, it’s doomed to fail. With the exception of work, how we invest our time directly corresponds to our interests.

Prior to voting (for all offices, propositions, etc), it *is* important for any citizen to be:

1. Aware of their value system, in absolute terms

2. To be willing to do the requisite last minute homework; this is measured in hours, not minutes, but also not days (eg > 24 hours).

3. To have the proper resources available to fulfill the homework requirement.

Many citizens fail on some or all of these. For example, many Evangelical voters were absolute in their moral convictions, until DJT come along. Many people leaned on partisan resources to fill an intellectual void that required more honest brokering.

> Did I seriously consider any other candidates beside Bernie and Hillary?

Don’t fret; most people dismiss entirely the notion of political parties beyond the usual 2 suspects. For them, I think it’s more about winning (which gets back to your sports analogy, which I entirely agree with) than principle (or, put another way, short term over long term).

Read this link, for example; a poll of 26 conservatives, libertarians, and independently minded progressives, and even though most are antagonistic about Trump, nearly 20% say they won’t vote (versus voting for a 3rd party).

http://www.theamericanconservative.com/articles/the-american-conservative-presidential-symposium/

You are not alone.

> And why do we still have the electoral college?

Good question. I think the answer is as simple as “status quo”; before the 2000 election there wern’t any recent real world examples to argue overturning it. And even in 2000 the popular vote was close enough (Gore was about 534,000 votes, or about .5%, ahead of Bush) that any momentum to overturn it was moot.

There needs to be more light shined on the only (realistically) reason the system was enacted: our esteemed Founders were compromising to be “fair” to the slave states (slaves would not be counted in the popular vote, since they could not vote; they would, however, be counted in the electoral college – well, counted as 3/5ths. Yikes.). When logic doesn’t work, try shame. 🙂

It’s almost impossible to get rid of by the Article V amendment process, because only 13 states can block ratification. One party or another will always be likely to smell disadvantage in the next election from such an amendment, and rustle up enough “no” votes to block it.

You want to effect change? Campaign for this (it’s not yet been passed in CO). http://www.nationalpopularvote.com (just read the top paragraph).

> I also don’t understand why something like abortion is a platform for how
> our country should be run and the fiscal decisions we make.

For better or worse, abortion is a factor because the political parties use it as a wedge issue (which gets out the voters).

That said, there is a way to de-emphasize the issue. There is a principled position (either for or against abortion), and there is a pragmatic (compromised) position. This year Hillary took the principled approach (although I would argue she wasn’t being principled; she was being political, digging in with her core constituency. The Clinton’s are known more for their polling than their value positions). Here is one view:

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/opinion-la/la-ol-hillaryclinton-abortion-campaign-20160209-story.html

Still, I don’t think this issue hurt her more than other issues.

> But I think more scientific thought should be taught and regarded but
> that is alienating Christian viewpoint.

In my mind the issue is one of sophistication; American’s don’t have enough of it. When science speaks intellectually about evolution (or about some rock being 1 million years old), Christians take offense and disregard all of science (howzabout some moderation, folks?). Same goes when science discusses galaxies, pre-natal life, climate change, etc. We love the computer mouse and our iPhone, but those are products of a store, not intense R&D; right?

During my epic bike ride through Oregon in September, thru VERY rural country, there was a sign (amongst many) that said “Don’t always trust your brain”. I wish I had taken a picture of it.

But, in terms of the politicization of science (or anti-science), here is one push back:

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/11/the-republican-party-isnt-really-the-anti-science-party/281219/

> I spoke at a fundamentalist Christian book convention (interesting story

I’d love to hear that one!

> Our founding fathers
> and their debates about things much more subtle would be upset. Well,
> maybe
> I’m just guessing here I actually have no idea (back to not being educated
> on this) how they acted or led. It’s just what’s in my mind from 4th grade
> history propaganda. Perhaps they argued about the same type of shit.

Yeah, sorry to disappoint. Google “Polman 1800”, or try this:

http://www.pennlive.com/opinion/2016/11/jefferson_v_adams_was_the_clin.html

Or this:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2016/10/19/this-school-is-holding-a-presidential-election-but-not-the-one-you-think/

There are plenty of examples. Politics has never been clean; competition for power and influence rarely are.

> QFM: Do you think most people have the time and interest to NOT follow a
> tribe mentality?

There are no centrist tribes (that’s an oxymoron); they only proliferate on the fringe (left or right). The question is one of distance: Even if someone doesn’t embrace the right or left extreme (tribal) positions, if those are the predominant positions then voters still have to conclude which they will subscribe to (which positions they are closest to). This introduces much more than a simple rounding error (“You voted for a racist?” “Um, no…”).

The challenge for democracy is for institutions (mostly media), people, and politicians to nurture and support a centrist idealism. Compete against the fringe players for the attention of voters; people will (willingly yet unknowingly) shed their tribal attire once they enter a centrist tent of reason that they feel much more akin to. For comedic input, The Onion (http://www.theonion.com/) would have to be leveraged.

Media? Social media companies (in particular) need to be held accountable for facilitating the spread of misinformation. Since they are dealing with a narcissist, reporters must refuse to treat DJT like a normal president and refuse to bestow any unearned legitimacy on his administration. [Stole this from https://thinkprogress.org/when-everything-is-a-lie-power-is-the-only-truth-1e641751d150#.ixluabjyl).

People and Politicians? This is joined at the hip with media, since media are the ones to get the message out. But in essence there are plenty of success stories of local (city) people and politicians, from different political persuasions, working together to fix their local problems. Voters need to be reminded that not only did this used to happen at the National level, it still happens successfully at the local level. http://www.theatlantic.com/projects/city-makers-american-futures/

> I disagree
> with you about being mad that trump said he wouldn’t accept defeat and
> then
> not accepting it myself.

I concur with you that we don’t want racism and sexism and xenophobia to become normalized; and I encourage anyone to march to that effect. But that would be a case of not capitulating to notions of racism, sexism or xenophobia. Contrast that with people protesting the outcome of the election, or the validity of a Trump administration. That boat has sailed.

> QFM Am I just as bad as the other side?

Put aside the idea that the other side is bad. 🙂

Voters are the pawns; the political process has been hijacked by people who either never had leadership-type qualifications, or they did but these qualifications were jettisoned in the pursuit of power (as addictive as that might be). The envelope was pushed out, the tribes naturally formed, and a white-noise information-lacking feedback-loop machine called the media (Trump grabs pussy! Hillary’s emails! Trump grabs pussy! Hillary’s emails! Trump grabs pussy! Hillary’s emails! Trump grabs pussy! Hillary’s emails!) dropped napalm in the center, creating a huge DMZ zone.

> QFM Am I just as bad as the other side when it comes to not accepting
> their religion?

The challenge (on all sides) is one of moderation, understanding, and acceptance. The higher pitch the rhetoric, the less likely there will be a truce. You have to want a relationship with someone on the “other side”, more than you want to defend or sell your position. It is possible to be vested in both.

I value the mind over the heart; fact over fiction; proof over faith. But, I know there are many very smart people, some of whom are in the STEM fields, who are devoutly religious. If I can’t rationally take these people on in a debate, then I also can’t take on the simple citizen who is less able to articulately defend their faith.

A high school friend who I’ve gotten much closer to these past ~15 years is very religious (Catholic); just as I know where he stands, he knows where I stand. Regardless, we value our friendship, our perspectives, our morals and values (we were in Napa two weekends ago, camping in his driveway with our Westfalia, having late night discussions. http://lifeofannika.com/year/13/images/PumpkinRoll/). It’s not hard, but then it might seem too easy since he and I both came to the table with moderation, understanding, and acceptance in hand.

Plus, we had a bottle of wine; there is almost always a bottle of wine.

> QFM Am I just a spoiled baby boomer/GenX that hasn’t experienced real
> strife in their adult lifetime?

Oh my gosh, no.

> foolishly thought the world was going to improve?

Um…maybe. 🙂 Or, you forgot how to think non-linearly due to the Obama years; you were still buzzed from 2008. Roads close, detours have to be made. In this way, you can still leverage Obama as your muse; I suspect he’s not finished building his legacy.

Out of necessity, you will once again be immersed in non-linear thinking; you will likely meet new friends (https://www.facebook.com/events/1638075409825947/ ?); and undoubtedly you will influence much more than you will be influenced, because you add more to any equation.

> We will alway persecute each other right? The majority will
> always abuse power. This has always been the case…..is it getting less?
> I have no idea? Am I an idiot to hope that this will ever improve?

It’s human nature to be tribal. Any atheist or even agnostic likely believes in Darwin’s “Survival of the fittest”. So, yes, the majority (for whichever category) will always abuse (not only externally to the minority, but internally to each other). Still, many members of the majority, as well as the minority, will not tolerate this status quo at some point. They will resist their inclination towards tribalism. They will resist their natural urge to survive at the expense of others, even if they are the fittest. They will empathize with those not in their camp. They will risk ostracization to defend ideals over group think.

Or at least that’s what I hope. Consensus is the bedrock of democracy; cerebrally we all know how to get there. The question is just who wants to take the journey, and who can persuade the others to come along anyway.

Or something like that.

mark

Excerpt From: J. D. Vance. “Hillbilly Elegy.” HarperCollinsPublishers, 2016-04-30.

Lindsay was a teenager when Papaw died, at the height of that weird mixture of thinking you know everything and caring too much about how others perceive you. Papaw was many things, but he was never cool. He wore the same old T-shirt every day with a front pocket just big enough to fit a pack of cigarettes. He always smelled of mildew, because he washed his clothes but let them dry “naturally,” meaning packed together in a washing machine. A lifetime of smoking had blessed him with an unlimited supply of phlegm, and he had no problem sharing that phlegm with everyone, no matter the time or occasion. He listened to Johnny Cash on perpetual repeat and drove an old El Camino—a car truck—everywhere he went. In other words, Papaw wasn’t ideal company for a beautiful seventeen-year-old girl with an active social life. Thus, she took advantage of him in the same way that every young girl takes advantage of a father: She loved and admired him, she asked him for things that he sometimes gave her, and she didn’t pay him a lot of attention when she was around her friends. To this day, being able to “take advantage” of someone is the measure in my mind of having a parent.